Brandon Peters dissects the 007 series part 09: The Man With the Golden Gun

With Skyfall dropping in theaters in just a few months, along with the 50th anniversary of the James Bond series, a close friend and fellow film nerd, Brandon Peters, has generously offered to do a comprehensive review of the entire 007 film franchise. Today is the eigth entry, with a full review of one of the very worst films in the franchise, The Man With the Golden Gun. I hope you enjoy what is a pretty massive feature leading up the November 9th release of Skyfall. I'll do my best to leave my two-cents out of it, give or take a few items I have up my sleeve (including a guest review from my wife as she sings the praises of her favorite 007 film, you won't believe what it is). But just because I'm stepping aside doesn't mean you should, as I can only hope for robust discussions in the comments section. Without further ado...

The Man With The Golden Gun

1974

Director:  Guy Hamilton

Starring:  Roger Moore, Christopher Lee, Maud Adams, Britt Ekland, Herve Villechaize

Rated PG

A duel between titans…my golden gun against your Walther PPK.

                                ~Francisco Scaramanga

It is obvious that this contest cannot be decided by our knowledge of the force, but by our skills with a lightsaber.

                                ~Count Dooku

STATS

Kills: 1!

Bond Girls:  Mary Goodnight, Andrea Anders

Car:  AMC Hornet

Locales:  Hong Kong, Bangkok

Odd Villain Trait:  Scaramanga has a 3^rdnipple, Nick Nack is a dwarf

Song:  “The Man with the Golden Gun” performed by LuLu

Right on the heels of Live and Let Die and a year later, James Bond returned in The Man With The Golden Gun (MWTGG).   This is the film almost killed the 007 franchise.  I’m sure down the road a reboot or additional film(s) would have eventually been made, but this one almost stopped it dead in its tracks.  A lot of the film’s plot feels very tired and the movie isn’t very colorful regarding its performers and action.  There’s not very much fun to have in this one.

In tired fashion, famed assassin Francisco Scaramanga has a lair on a remote island harnessing energy to power a weaponized solar beam he hopes to sell to the highest bidder.  For thrills he also has a fun house in which he invites known tough guys in to challenge them in a duel to the death.  His next target - James Bond (whom he has a wax figure of).  James Bond is given the warning of the challenge by way of a golden bullet and plans to get to Scaramanga first.  Bond is also in search of the Solex Agitator device which powers Scaramanga’s beam.

Two films in to Roger Moore’s ouvre and I still feel like this one was written for Connery.  Maybe Moore is not as light hearted as I’m remembering.  In this film, he’s much more dark and intimidating than he even was in Live and Let Die.  Moore’s performance is fine, but he doesn’t look to be having the fun he did in Live and Let Die.  While his character doesn’t care for her, it doesn’t look as if Moore cares for Mary Goodnight either.  There’s a hilarious “I can’t believe I’m watching this” moment where Bond is about to show Goodnight his Thunderballs when Anders shows up at his door.  He takes Goodnight, hides her in the closet and sleeps with Anders while Goodnight must sit and listen and watch.  Its hysterical!

Christopher Lee is the only person in the film who seems to be really enjoying it.  He really lights up with his scenes and gives a committed performance.  However, his character is pretty lame and not too engaging.  If he was better on paper combining with the performance, I’d be loving this villain and it would likely be a slightly better film.  Scaramanga, the second villain in a row to end their name with –anga, has a base just like all the other villains and has a destructive beam just like Blofeld did in Diamonds are Forever.  His fun house isn’t at all too thrilling either.  His henchman, Nick Nack is cute for the first time you see him, but he’s not threatening at all and more weird and annoying on screen than anything.

Britt Ekland and her character attempt to destroy the film single handedly.  They introduce us to her like we were supposed to have a past relationship with her.  I had to look up exactly what she is to MI:6 aside from a buffoon.   Her clumsiness isn’t all too funny and assists a weak script in forcing many things in the weak script to happen.  She looks good in a bikini though, and I’m sure that’s why she got the job.  Scaramanga’s creepy, groping control guy apparently agrees.  Maud Adams isn’t as over the top and annoying, but she’s very wooden.  Her character is pretty interesting and gets to have some cool moments, but the performance could have been better.  She’ll get another try in a couple films though, as she’s the title character in Octopussy.

Tom Jones was probably smiling when he heard the title song for this film.  It makes “Thunderball” look like “Hey Jude”.  The score isn’t too much better and there are some really bad choices in it.  During the highlight of the film, Bond doing an aerial twist over a broken bridge in the AMC Hornet, the moment is silenced to enjoy the spectacle and then a clownish stupid penny whistle sound goes off as the care crosses the bridge.  Even the best moment in the film can’t get it completely right.

Since the Blaxploitation experiment worked last time, they went for a different genre on the rise.  This time the choice was to borrow from the kung fu genre.  This awkwardly shoehorned Bond waking up from being knocked out in a martial arts school.  This scene doesn’t have any purpose and is just holding up an already boring film.  It leads to a boat chase.  I’m not saying we can’t have multiple boat chases, but we just had a long one in the last film and it was done so much better.

The film grossed well, but was one of the lowest grossing of the series.  It was a possible sign of waning and the loss of interest.  Longtime producer Harry Saltzman sold his share after this film due to money issues.  Also, more court trouble with Kevin McClory held up any production that was to happen on the next film.  The producers were thinking it might be time to pack up the 007 franchise.  On top of it all, the film was not well received, and many a fan and critic seemed to be getting stale on the Bond movies.

Truth be told, I fell asleep during this one.  I had to back track it and watch the second half again.  It’s a pretty uneventful film.  I like the car jump, the MI:6 ship headquarters is cool and Andrea Anders death scene, but those aren’t much.  Nothing here in this one is really fresh or the same old schtick done well.  The Man With the Golden Gun isn’t a poorly made film, it’s just a stale, tired and lazy film.  This was Guy Hamilton’s third film in a row for the 007 franchise (he did four total) and last.  He didn’t come back for Thunderball in 1965 because Goldfingerwore him out.  Now we have him doing three straight films.  It definitely shows.  He was out of gas.  Someone new or not burned out needed to step in and take the reins.  I would only tell the hardcore Bond fan to see this one.  You can easily skip it and be just fine.  If you has insomnia, pop it in.  You’ll probably be cured by about the time Bond poses as Scaramanga. 

Brandon Peters will return in The Spy Who Loved Me

Follow me on Twitter – www.twitter.com/@btpeters

E-mail – naptownnerd@gmail.com

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Review: Lawless (2012) is a generic and often dull macho crime drama that works only as right-wing propaganda.

Lawless

2012
115 minutes
rated R

by Scott Mendelson

Twenty years ago, a film as formulaic and frankly contrived as John Hillcoat's Lawless would be considered nothing more than a pretty lousy B-movie that happened to have a few decent actors in the mix.  And today that is the best I can say about the film, even if its pedigree might have originally positioned it as some kind of Oscar bait.  The film can either be read as straight-ahead manly action drama or it can be viewed as a piece of political propaganda, positioning the noble 'regular Americans' against openly corrupt federal government forces who threaten their freedom to uh... bootleg.  I frankly hope the film is indeed intended to be read as such, as I'll take a bad film that's at least about 'something' over a pointless exercise in he-man violence.  At the very least, it stands as John Hillcoat's happiest film yet.  Unlike The Proposition or The Road, you won't exit theaters in a soul-crushing funk.  But unlike those two films, it's not a very good movie at all.  I suppose that's the trade-off, no?  Still, either way, Lawless is depressing all the same.


The film, apparently based on a true story and containing so little incident and action that I'm inclined to believe it, concerns the bootlegging Bondurant brothers.  Jack Bondurant (Shia LeBeouf) is the youngest brother, eager to prove that he has the necessary grit to man up and partake in the business alongside his bigger and tougher brothers.  Howard Bondurant (Jason Clarke) is the theoretical loose cannon of the trio, while proverbial head of the household Forrest Bondurant (Tom Hardy) is the much-feared leader who says little with words that cannot be said with fists.  All is well for this Prohibition-era family as they make liquor in the backwoods of Franklin County, Virginia and sell it to the big city.  The local authorities look the other way as the local bootleggers do their business with a minimum of violence.  But trouble rears its ugly head as Special Deputy Charlie Rakes (Guy Pearce) shows up demanding a cut of the profits.  Forrest Bondurant refuses and well, you can probably guess where the story goes from there.

Even as someone who thinks that Prohibition was a pretty stupid idea, one cannot help but note how these full-scale outlaws are lionized and treated as out-and-out heroes during the course of the narrative.  Charlie Rakes isn't just a big-city cop on the take, no he's a comic book super-villain who exists purely to intimidate our heroes, leer at their women, and represent the tyrannical reach of proverbial 'big government'.  Pearce is hilarious and by-far the highlight of the picture, but he is a living cartoon through-and-through.  Oliver Stone's Savages played in the same sandbox, presented relatively altruistic pot dealers who do little societal harm until the local kingpins attempt to take over their business.  But Stone's film, as dull and poorly paced as it was, was openly critical of the young pot distributors' naivety, and the picture openly states that their defiance caused far more trouble than it was worth.  But Hillcoat's film allows for no such ambiguity, as these young men who make illegal booze are lionized in a way that would never be accepted when dealing with, for example, inner-city drug dealers.  As someone who believes that the 'war on drugs' has caused the same kind of destruction that came about during Prohibition, that the legalization of drugs would mostly end the violence and societal devastation that comes with their value as a black market product, you certainly could draw parallels, yet even I can't fathom the idea that drug distributors were merely hard-scrabble Americans who only did violence when threatened by the tyrannical 'big government'.

But putting aside the film's politics and its arbitrary morality, the picture doesn't really work as a story per-se.  The prologue establishes the idea that young Jack doesn't have the 'stones' for the business and that's really the closest thing to a character arc that the film cares to offer.  The film is mostly an exercise in seeing fine actors struggle to add depth to paper-thin characters.  Coming off worst are the two token (very token) females in the picture.  I've long whined about how explicitly macho action films or crime dramas slit their own heels trying to shoe horn romantic subplots into the narrative for no other reason aside from having a pretty girl to put on the poster, and this is a prime example.  Mia Wasikowska, as a preacher's daughter, exists for no other reason than to be courted by Shia LeBeouf.  A sadder fate awaits Jessica Chastain, who is technically Hardy's love interest but exists explicitly to be leered at, threatened, and menaced by every single unsavory male character in the picture.  Try as she might, Chastain can't do much with a character who is given literally nothing to do other than be a prize or an imperiled damsel (I was openly shocked when she *wasn't* held hostage during the climax).  There is no law saying that you have to have well-written female characters, especially in a film with so few well-written male ones, but what could have been at least a lean and well-paced 95 minute thriller is a slog at 115 minutes due to all the time wasted on completely gratuitous and unengaging romantic subplots.

Despite the high-caliber cast, which includes a glorified cameo from Gary Oldman), only Guy Pearce gets to have any fun.  The rest of the cast basically sulks on cue and periodically gets their asses kicked by nefarious rogues.  The film doesn't so much contain action as it contains spurts of brutal and bloody violence.  There is nothing wrong with that of course, in fact I appreciated the hard R-rated nature of the picture.  But the film is yet another example of a movie seemingly intended for adults that is nonetheless pitched at the level of a mediocre childrens' entertainment.  There are no moral gray zones, no character complexities, and no real plot twists aside from how low the body count is.  The film has the depth not of a bad B-movie but of a mediocre serial.  Our heroes are tough and noble, the villains are hilariously hissable, and the girls sure be pretty (and helpless).  For a filmmaker who made his name crafting uncompromising adult moral dramas, Lawless feels like nothing less than a big-studio sell out.

Lawless has too few interesting characters and too little genuine excitement to justify its paper-thin plot and utter lack of narrative intrigue.  The film moves in fits-and-starts while we wait for Shia LeBeouf (who is indeed the lead character) to find the inner strength to metaphorically shoot the pig.  As a died-in-the-wool liberal, the film's conservative politics are arguably the best thing about it, as its the closest thing to substance, however, wrongheaded I might think it is, that the picture has to offer.  Lawless is a bland journey about stupid and/or irrationally violent men being held up as heroes because they happen to be played by movie stars.  The film isn't fun enough, isn't exciting enough, isn't smart enough, and isn't entertaining enough to justify its connect-the-dots plotting.  Lawless is merely a bad movie, but as a matter of wasted potential, it's downright criminal.

Grade: C

Review: Premium Rush (2012) peaks too early and struggles to fill its feature-length running time.

Premium Rush

2012
90 minutes
rated PG-13

by Scott Mendelson

The first thirty minutes and last twenty minutes of David Koepp's Premium Rush have the makings of a pretty great B-movie.  It has all the ingredients of a solid piece of genre, with engaging heroes, a terrific villain, and some genuinely entertaining and fresh action sequences.  For its first third, it powers along with an uncommon confidence, establishing its central conflict while dazzling the viewer with stunts that are all the more impressive for being real.  But at around the thirty minute mark, the film slams on the brakes and spends an unholy amount of time with expository flashbacks and needless exposition, testing the viewer's patience and leaving us waiting to get back to the chase.  The film eventually kicks back into gear in time for the relatively successful climax, which both satisfies and makes us realize that the proceeding half-hour or so was all the more needless.  Premium Rush would have made an excellent hour-long short film, but as a feature-length motion picture, it frankly doesn't have enough meat on its bones.

The plot is about as simple as it should be.  Joseph Gordon-Levitt stars as a cocky and daredevil-ish bike messenger working on the busy and perilous streets of New York City.  The plot kicks into gear when he takes an assignment to deliver a mysterious envelope to a Chinatown location within 90 minutes.  The client is obviously nervous about handing over the seemingly precious content, and we soon discover that it's very important to at least one very dangerous man.  Enter Michael Shannon, again auditioning to replace Health Ledger as The Joker (I mean that as a compliment), demanding that the hapless bike messenger hand over his package 'or else'.  But duty comes first, and the chase is on.  The chase in question takes the form of what can only be described as a live-action Road Runner cartoon.  While Gordon-Levitt  is named 'Wilee' and Shannon is given the frankly ridiculous name of 'Bobby Monday', the film explicitly states the reversal of roles. During the first act we witness Shannon continuously failing in his pursuit of the speedy Road Runner as our hero zip-dangs away once more.  This stuff is great fun, and for awhile it feels like we may be watching a new B-movie classic.

But then the exposition begins.  Without going into details, nearly the entire middle act of this film is comprised of expository flashbacks.  Yes this allows for a fun Shannon freak-out or two, but the film is filled to the brim with information that A) Wilee isn't privy too and B) we don't really need to know.  Furthermore, most of the information we do need to know (like what's in the envelope and why it's important) is revealed in present-time confrontations just before the finale.  The entire middle 30 minutes brings the movie to a literal standstill as we jump just a little bit back in time with one 'here's what happened beforehand' moment after another.  These scenes add precious little context and only serve to make us anxious as we wait for the chase to begin again.  And we wait and wait.  The characters are mostly amusing (Aasif Mandvi is great fun as the boss and Dania Ramirez straddles the line between supporting character and love interest) and the film comes to a satisfying conclusion, but if thrilling chases featuring bikes and cars are what you seek, you won't get nearly as much of it as you might be hoping for.

One can understand that the $30 million picture doesn't have the money to have anything resembling 'non-stop action', but what we get in the first act is so much fun that we feel cheated when the film basically tops out after its first two reels.  Michael Shannon is a hoot throughout, one of the year's best out-and-out villains, and the film works as an examination of a very specific sub-culture (those who of course work as bike messengers).  And while Wilee gives the usual 'I can't work a normal job/live a normal life because I have a need for speed' spiel, the film doesn't treat his ideology as automatically superior (Ramirez's character wants to have a more conventional life, and the film doesn't condemn her for it).  Moreover the film has a wonderful sense of geography and the authentic New York locations are an obvious boon.  In short, Premium Rush is an absolute blast when it's moving, but dangerously disengaging when it slows down or outright stops.  A bit more bike action mixed in the second act would have done wonders for the pacing, but the film still succeeds as B-movie entertainment.  Premium Rush may earn its mark as a 'B-movie', but it loses our trust by initially tricking us into thinking that we may be watching something more.

Grade: B-

John Gosling previews the week's new film releases (08/31/2)

It's another mixed bag at the box office this weekend, with serious drama and horror tussling with a brand new family film. With last weekend being the lowest grossing of the year so far, studios will be looking for something, anything to turn things around.  The widest opening release this weekend is the Sam Raimi produced, The Possession. It stars Jeffery Dean Morgan and Kyra Sedgwick as a divorced couple whose daughter, Em, becomes obsessed with opening a Hebrew-inscribed box she bought at a garage sale. When her behaviour becomes erratic, the parents blame it on the recent trauma of their divorce. However, things quickly escalate, leaving them forced to scramble for an explanation and a solution, scientific or supernatural, for whatever is attempting to destroy their daughter before its too late. Raimi acts as producer, via his Ghost House Pictures company, with Ole Bornedal directing. Bornedal shot to fame with the 1994 Danish film, Nightwatch (he also directed the 1997 English-language remake) and won acclaim with I Am Dina in 2002. Raimi and Bornedal are no strangers, the former having acted as distributor on the laters 2007 comedy/horror flick, Vikaren (aka The Substitute) via his Ghost Pictures subsidiary, Underground. The director was drawn to The Possession from the initial script, seeing it as an allegory for divorce, rather than a straight scare flick. The core device in the film, the Dibbuk box, is actually based on a real life item, said to be haunted by a spirit from Jewish folklore. 


The box first featured in a story by Kevin Mannis, who came across the item in 2001. When he tracked down the daughter of the original owner, she refused to take it back. The box has passed through a number of owners since, who have reported tales of terrible bad luck and it is said to have been directly responsible for two deaths. Many people have since contacted Mannis and current box owner Jason Haxton, detailing ways in which it has affected their lives, for the worse. However, noted psychologist Christopher French has stated that if people already know of the Dibbuk box's legend, it is easy to blame any misfortune on it. Kyra Sedgwick was amongst the first to sign up, and Jeffrey Dean Morgan was compelled to sign after seeing her audition tape. As Em, Bornedal cast Natasha Calis, a young actress who made her screen debut aged just seven. With a $17.5M budget attached, shooting took place early 2011, in British Columbia. With filming and post-production out of the way, the picture sat on the shelf for close to a year, not receiving a trailer until May 2012. While The Possession has a bigger marketing campaign and a much wider roll out than The Apparition(released last weekend), the similarities in theme are there. Whether the public give this scare flick the chance that one never had, remains to be seen.

Lawless is based on the Matt Bondurant book, The Wettest County in the World, a prohibition set story dealing with Bondurant's great grandfather and uncles who ran a moonshine business in Virginia. Work on a film adaptation began a number of years ago, with musician Nick Cave writing the screenplay for director John Hillcoat. The duo first worked together on the 1988 film, Ghost of the Civil Dead, and would re-team on the 2005 blood-soaked western, The Proposition. Cave (along with Warren Ellis) also provided the music for the both of those films, along with Hillcoat's adaptation of The Road and this new film. With a completed script, the picture moved into pre-production in late 2009, casting Ryan Gosling, Michael Shannon, Paul Dano, Amy Adams and Scarlett Johannson as the main players. But, on the eve of shooting, the production fell apart as a result of funding issues. The project was then put on hold, with a view to move forward once new finances could be secured. Indie studio Sony Red Wagon eventually backed the project, but with so much time having passed, the original leads were no longer available to return. 

Instead, Hillcoat cast Shia LeBeouf, Tom Hardy, Gary Oldman, Jessica Chastain and Mia Wasikowska, with shooting finally getting underway more than a year since the collapse of the original production. The cast wasn't the only thing to change, with the film's title becoming The Promised Land, then reverting back to The Wettest County...before finally settling on Lawless in March 2012. The story, like its source, follows three brothers who run a moonshine business. With things initially going smoothly, trouble rears its head in the guise of Guy Pearce's Special Agent Rakes, a man intent on getting a cut or putting an end to the brother's and their business. The situation is complicated (and bloodied) further by the boy's employer, the gangster Floyd Banner (Oldman). The teaser debuted in March 2012, and was followed by a standard trailer, featurettes and clips, with a violent red-band trailer arriving online just last week. Lawless screened at Cannes back in May to mixed reviews, but at the time of writing, is fairing much better in North America. The picture certainly has pedigree, both in front and behind the camera, and there's only limited competition in current release. However, on the down side, its bloody action may put off the very people it is aimed at. Furthermore, will people be willing to pay to see what could essentially be an extended (thought exceptionally well cast) episode of Boardwalk Empire?

Our final release is family feature, The Oogieloves In The BIG Balloon Adventure. The film's journey to the screen is a curious one and emerged from a dispute that producer Kenn Viselman had with Anne Wood, creator of the Teletubbies. Viselman, who was responsible for localising the costumed kid's show andThomas the Tank Engine for the U.S market, had tried and failed (on a number of occasions) to convince Wood to allow him to move forward with a Teletubbies movie. He then found inspiration in the oddest of places - while watching the audience participating during a screening of Tyler Perry's Madea Goes To Jail. Seeing how the crowd 'interacted' with the movie, telling the characters what to do (and not to do), he was compelled to reinvent the family movie as an interactive experience. 

From this, he created The Oogieloves, a film in which the audience are encouraged to shout, sing and dance along with the on-screen action. The plot see the Oogieloves (Goobie, Zoozie and Toofie) on a quest to recover five magical balloons needed for a birthday party. Along the way they encounter all manner of characters, including Lero Sombrero (Christohper Lloyd), Rosalie Rosebud (Toni Braxton) and Marvin Milkshake (Chazz Palminteri). The picture also features Jaime Pressly, Carey Elwes and Cloris Leachman. With no TV show to hang the series off (the hope being the movie will spawn its own TV show), The Oogiloves will have to succeed on its own hype and interactive elements. That last feature may actually make parents reluctant to see it, along with all but the youngest of children. Viselman certainly has confidence though, managing to secure the picture a 2000+ location roll out. Are we looking at the future of the cinematic experience?

2012 Summer Movie wrap-up: The Avengers and the art house save an otherwise mediocre summer movie season.

This is actually a pretty simple summer movie season to analyze and/or dissect.  In short, the expected mega-blockbusters were indeed mostly mega-blockbusters, the expected middle-of-the-road hits were just that, while the films pegged most likely to flop or at least financially disappoint did just that.   If you had polled pundits at the beginning of the summer over the top four films of summer 2012, you they probably would have told you some combination of The Avengers, The Dark Knight Rises, The Amazing Spider-Man, and Brave.  And three of those films did pretty much what should have been realistically expected of them.  The core artistic pattern of summer 2012 was pretty simple: Most of the mainstream entries, even the ones expected to soar, ended up being artistically disappointing while the indie scene was on fire all season long.  Speaking financially, audiences embraced most of the major art-house films while being just a little pickier when it came to mainstream fare.  But the biggest news of summer 2012 was the general success of old-school movies, as a number of original properties and/or star vehicles proved quite profitable.  I've written extensively elsewhere about the slow and steady return of the 'movie' so I won't dwell on that here (essay and essay).  But when Magic Mike is a smash hit while a Total Recall remake is a money loser, one hopes that the studios will take note and perhaps learn a lesson different than "Let's make a sequel to Magic Mike!".

The Avengers struck arguably harder than anyone could have predicted.  The surprise stems mostly from the fact that it turned out to be far better and far more entertaining than most could have hoped for.  It lacked a bit in the plot department, but made up for it with sparkling character interaction and big-scale action that was filled with crowd-pleasing 'wanna see that again!' moments.  More importantly, it connected to mainstream audiences on a rather shocking level. The idea that hardcore nerds sat in theaters this summer alongside stereotypical jocks and thrilled to the sight of Thor and Captain America working together to repel an alien invasion is still something that gives me pause.  But Joss Whedon's 'season finale' to the first arc of Marvel films proved to be an undeniable delight and audiences responded accordingly ($617 million domestic, $1.4 billion worldwide thus far, following a stunning $207 million opening weekend).  The Dark Knight Rises, on the other hand, performed pretty much like it was supposed to.  Putting aside bad press from the Aurora theater shooting (essay) and its alleged effect on moviegoing (and the fact that it wasn't nearly as good as the first two Nolan films), Batman vs. Bane (starring someone most audiences couldn't name) was never going to match the excitement of Batman vs. The Joker (starring a recently deceased movie star).   Make no mistake, The Dark Knight Rises is a massive smash hit by any and all reasonable standards. We're still talking about a film that crossed $420 million domestic and is heading towards $1 billion worldwide, so the fact that anyone is even questioning this film's triumph is merely because The Avengers struck first and unexpectedly hard.

Brave, with $230 million and heading towards $450-$500 million worldwide, is an unquestionable Pixar success story, especially when you factor in all of that Merida merchandise that flew off the shelves (my daughter didn't like the movie, but she still wanted a Merida archery set). It will likely end up on the bottom third among Pixar global grossers, and it will likely come in under the $565 million-grossing (and surprisingly winning) Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted or the $800 million-and-counting Ice Age: Continental Drift, but the film will sell Merida junk to our impressionable daughters for generations to come.  Pixar crafted a traditional princess story, arguably less feminist than the likes of The Little Mermaid or Beauty and the Beast, and tricked everyone into thinking it was a pioneering 'girl power' fable merely by giving her a bow-and-arrow. It was a nice way of getting around that whole 'no more fairy tale princess movies' edict and I have to admire their chutzpah. Speaking of summer animation, Madagascar 3, at $213 million and counting, has an outside shot of out-grossing Kung Fu Panda ($215 million) and How To Train Your Dragon ($217 million) to become Dreamworks Animations' biggest non-Shrek domestic grosser.  Ice Age 4 continued the franchise's pattern of insane international grosses (partially due to their use of foreign movie stars to voice the film in each respective foreign market).  The film dipped to a new franchise low domestically, with just $155 million, but the picture made $649 million (already topping Toy Story 3's $648 million foreign haul) overseas.  It was basically a three-film clash of the titans this summer, with only Focus Features' ParaNorman opening just two weeks ago and so far managing around $30 million in ten days.

The Amazing Spider-Man is a trickier situation.  With a global box office about to top $700 million, the $230 million production will make money.  But Sony spent the second-most amount of money of any Spider-Man film and ended up with a product that A) will be by-far the lowest-grossing Spidey flick ever ($260 million US and well-below Spider-Man 2's $782 million worldwide total) B) failed to ignite much excitement in a new series of Spider-Man adventures.  Even if you weren't disappointed by the end result, are you even half as excited by the idea of new Spider-Man films set in this universe as you were at the respective climaxes of Batman Begins, Star Trek, or Casino Royale?  Universal's The Bourne Legacy has the same problem.  It will at best match the $121 million domestic gross and $214 million worldwide gross of The Bourne Identity while falling well short of the sequels, but more importantly it too failed to give audiences a reason to get excited about another entry in 2-3 years time.  Prometheus was a moderate hit, bringing in $300 million worldwide which makes Fox glad they only spent $130 million on the R-rated Alien prequel/spin-off.  Anyone thinking that an Alien prequel was going to be an out-of-this-world blockbuster was frankly delusional. As it is, the final product was was too caught up in franchise building to give us a single film worth giving a damn about and the brand may suffer as a result (essay).  Next time, give us the actual climax in theaters, not on a Blu Ray deleted scenes reel (essay).

The surprisingly winning Men In Black 3 looks to be the least-profitable $600 million+ grossing film in history, thanks to a budget that allegedly reached as high as $325 million.  Still, with $621 million, Will Smith's return to the screen scored his third-biggest worldwide triumph ever, just $3 million behind his number 02 earner Hancock.  Domestically, it earned $179 million, which is at the high end of his 'normal zone' when he isn't over-performing (his 2002-2006 six-film run earned between $133 million and $190 million a pop). Sony's Men In Black 3 was a prime example of the 'woulda been a smash if we hadn't spent so damn much' category.  Also in this slot is Universal's Snow White and the Huntsman, which will crawl to $400 million worldwide but cost $170 million to produce.  Kristen Stewart powered this one to a $56 million opening weekend, proving that she absolutely can open a mainstream film, and it will be interesting to see where this much-debated 'franchise' goes from here (I'm no fan of the picture, but at least it had a refreshingly closed-ended story). Also in the 'cost too much' category is Universal's Battleship, which qualifies as a massive bomb purely because of its budget.  The film made $300 million worldwide, meaning that a Battleship made for $125 million instead of $215 million would have been a solid hit. It's the same sad story with Tim Burton's Dark Shadows.  The Johnny Depp adaptation of the cult television soap opera made a perfectly solid $236 million worldwide, which would have made it another hit for the Depp/Burton combo had the film cost an inexplicable $150 million to produce.  There was a real conversation this year about ever-escalating budgets for not-so surefire tentpoles, mostly fueled by this Spring's John Carter, but the lesson is as it always was: don't spend Return of the King money on Fellowship of the Ring (essay).

On the other side of that coin was the surprising success of a number of mid-to-low budget genre entries both aimed at adults and budgeted with a token amount of sanity.  Two big myths fell this summer.  A) Adults don't go to the movies.  B) There are no movies in theaters for older audiences. Warner Bros' marketing deserves some kind of medal for selling the heck out of the $7 million Magic Mike, making the $112 million-grossing Channing Tatum vehicle about male strippers into one of the most profitable films of the year.  Debuting the same weekend was the $50 million Ted, which surprised by both being the best mainstream wide-release film of the summer and by grossing $213 million domestic (the third biggest R-rated comedy of all time behind Beverly Hills Cop and the two Hangover films) and $352 million (and climbing) worldwide.  Both films prove that in an era where Hollywood is desperate for a new leading man who actually brings in crowds, Mark Wahlberg and Channing Tatum are genuine movie stars (Chris Hemsworth may be too, but he has yet to have a 'on his own' box office test).  Tyler Perry's Madea's Witness Protection quietly became his second-biggest earner yet and The Campaign looks to end up with around $80 million domestic, which is actually a record for a political comedy.  Warner spent too much ($65 million) on the comedy, but it did have an R-rating, which also hampered the rare out-and-out Adam Sandler flop, That's My Boy ($37 million on a $70 million budget).  Hope Springs is a relative success at $45 million and Savages cost too much ($45 million) but still counts as a moral victory with $47 million for the hard-R Oliver Stone drug drama released in over the July 4th weekend.  

The other good news of summer 2012 was the relative success of the arthouse crowd, as minor hits From Rome With Love ($15 million), Beasts of the Southern Wild ($9 million), joined relative mega-hits like The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel ($45 million) and The Moonrise Kingdom ($42 million, and again I was dead wrong when I criticized Focus's seemingly too-slow expansion back in June).  But the most interesting success story of the limited release crowd came from Bernie, as the Jack Black/Shirley MacClaine/Matthew McConaughey Texas comedy stayed in theaters for four long summer months (following a three-screen release on April 27th) and earned $9 million without expanding wider than 330 screens.  On one hand, one must applaud the success of the Millennium Entertainment which survived almost entirely thanks to word-of-mouth.  On the other hand, Bernie is a prototypical example (along with the delightful Safety Not Guaranteed which still earned $3.7 million in no more than 182 theaters) of the kind of 'art-house film' that darn-well would have been a major release just five or so years ago.  That it found its audience is fine, but the true cost of the blockbuster mania is that it forces everything but the tent-poles to fend for themselves on the art-house circuit.  The situation is of course exasperated by the emergence of 3D and IMAX as a major player, as now a film that might have taken up one or two screens at the multiplex now gets two-to-four screens thanks to the varying formats.  This summer was an excellent one for grownup cinema, both in quality and relative quantity.  But the battle is not yet won.

Overall, this was one of the more artistically disappointing summers in recent memory in terms of big-scale mainstream product.  The Avengers delivered in spades, Men In Black 3 was surprisingly moving and witty, and Ted was a stunningly smart social satire, but otherwise most of the big-scale stuff (The Dark Knight Rises, The Amazing Spider-Man, Brave, Prometheus, etc.) underwhelmed in a pretty big way.  On the plus side, the art-house rode to the rescue, with The Moonrise Kingdom and Beasts of the Southern Wild earning pretty much ironclad spots on the 'best films of 2012' list.  For much of summer 2012, it seemed like the season was going to be 'The Avengers was great, everything else stunk', as one high profile entry after another (Dark Shadows, Rock of Ages, Ice Age: Continental Drift, etc.) rather horribly dropped the ball artistically.  The periodic high-quality product mixed in the May-August mix didn't quite erase the stench of so much unexpectedly mediocre-to-terrible product, but again, the likes of Safety Not Guaranteed and the superb Take This Waltz helped lessen the blow and salvage the season as a whole.  As for 3D, it only was a factor in terms of making hit films into bigger hit films.  Otherwise the films that hit would have flopped in 2D flopped in 3D as well.

In closing, this summer feels like the last of a dying breed.  As studios, with an exception here or there, seemingly realize the error of spending untold hundreds-of-millions of dollars on the likes of Total Recall or Battleship, it will be interesting to see what the future holds for the prototypical summer film.  Optimistically speaking, this could well be a summer of change, as the mid-budget genre fare gets somewhat equal footing with the tent-pole, and the tent-pole goes back to being what it once was, an occasional surefire smash that holds up the rest of the studio, rather than a roll of the dice that periodically wipes out everything that's been gained.  Maybe audiences not flocking on cue to the likes of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter ($37 million domestic with an uncertain overseas future) is as much of an indicator as audiences flocking (in relative terms) to the likes of The Moonrise Kingdom.  Or maybe it means nothing other than arbitrary scheduling choices yielding respective results for respective films.  But this does feel like the last mega-summer for awhile.  But all things considered, that may very well be a good thing.   What thoughts do you have on the summer that just ended?  Favorite films (Moonrise Kingdom), least favorite films (Battleship)?  Biggest disappointments (Brave, The Dark Knight Rises) or most unexpected delights (Ted, Men In Black 3)?  I'll *try* to have a 'moments that mattered'-ish piece by the end of the week, but in the meantime please share your 'moments' and let me know what you're looking forward to during the summer of 2013.

Scott Mendelson 

Brandon Peters dissects the 007 series part 08: Live and Let Die.

With Skyfall dropping in theaters in just a few months, along with the 50th anniversary of the James Bond series, a close friend and fellow film nerd, Brandon Peters, has generously offered to do a comprehensive review of the entire 007 film franchise. Today is the eigth entry, with a full review at one of Roger Moore's debut entry, Live and Let Die. I hope you enjoy what is a pretty massive feature leading up the November 9th release of Skyfall. I'll do my best to leave my two-cents out of it, give or take a few items I have up my sleeve (including a guest review from my wife as she sings the praises of her favorite 007 film, you won't believe what it is). But just because I'm stepping aside doesn't mean you should, as I can only hope for robust discussions in the comments section. Without further ado...

Live and Let Die

1973

Director: Guy Hamilton

Starring: Roger Moore, Yaphet Kotto, Jane Seymour, David Hedison

Rated PG

Names is for tombstones, baby! Y'all take this honkey out and WASTE HIM! NOW!

                                ~Mr. Big (Dr. Kananga)

STATS

Kills: 8 + 1 snake (I’ve always LOVED this.  While smoking a cigar in the bathroom, Bond takes a hair spray bottle and sprays it at the cigar creating a flame thrower to kill the snake)

Bond Girls:  Solitaire, Rosie Carver, Miss Caruso

Car:  Bond drives a double decker bus and a speed boat in this one, no car

Locales:  Harlem, New Orleans, San Monique (fictional)          

Odd Villain Trait:  Tee Hee has a mechanical arm, Whisper is obese and speaks in…yes a whisper, Baron Samedi involved in the voodoo occult

Song:  “Live and Let Die” performed by Wings (that’s Paul McCartney’s ‘other’ band for those who don’t know)

Live and Let Die starts the seven-film run of Roger Moore as 007.  Moore’s first adventure, and Eon’s eighth,   attempts to showcase Moore as a different Bond.  This film takes the franchise and alters the stakes by playing in another genre’s sandbox.  Guy Hamilton returns for his third outing, yet the film is quite different from his previous work in the 007 series until close to the finale.  The film packs plenty of action sequences, but frankly feels a little long.  Three MI:6 agents monitoring the operations of a small island dictator (Dr. Kananga played by Yaphet Kotto)  are mysteriously killed in a 24-hour period.   James Bond is sent to New Yorkto contact with Felix Leiter (David Hedison) and investigate the first murder.  The investigation leads to a connection between a drug dealer, Mr. Big (also Yaphet Kotto), and Kananga.  Bond’s investigations team him up with Quarrel’s (from Dr. No) son taking him from the streets of New Orleans to the island of San Monique where Bond is immersed in a world of voodoo, bayous, tarot and drugs.

Live and Let Die is the first time the 007 series has stepped outside its comfort zone and borrowed from another genre.  Not only is it an interesting choice, but it was the right one at the right time.  Live and Let Die was decided as the next film during the shooting of Diamonds are Forever.  With much of the story taking place in Harlem and New Orleans, it made for the perfect opportunity to tell this story as a ‘James Bond meets Blaxploitation’ film.  At the time this film was made, films like Shaft and Superfly were on the rise.  All the supporting cast, down to the “honkies” Felix Leiter and Sheriff J.W. Pepper (Clifton James) feel like they were lifted from a Shaft sequel.  The structure of the action scenes that take place in New Yorkfeel very much inspired by them as well.  Just the overall film stock of this film looks Blaxploitation.  The Bond theme and the score has even been completely funk-induced to sell the vibe even more.  As a fan of the genre, I’d argue that this film was done in appreciation and as a homage to the genre and never saw  any of it as offensive or a mockery.  On top of that, I don’t think the choice to make the film this way is out of fear of these other films dethroning Bond.  It makes for a quite unique film eight entries in.  In a nice turn at the end, Tee Hee (Julius Harris) slips aboard Bond’s train car to try and take him out, via a callback to From Russia with Love.  It’s a nice way of kind of turning the tables, sending Bond back to his world and having a character from the Blaxploitation world enter his. 

Roger Moore’s first turn as Bond seems a bit tight and cautious.  Consciously, he was trying to not be Sean Connery and also not reminiscent of his character from the television series The Saint.  His performance is fine, but you can see he’s not quite as comfortable in the role yet.  He does appear quite comfortable delivering Bond’s famous quips.  The way Moorespouts them out seems natural, honest and doesn’t make you groan or take you out of the scene.  Some were actually pretty funny.  His performance isn’t quite as dazzling as Connery in Dr. No, but gives you the sense that “Hey, I think things are going to be ok with this guy”. 

While it’s the same Bond character, there are little things thrown at you throughout to set Mooreapart from Connery (aside from the fact he’s a different actor).  Bond orders bourbon, he doesn’t wear a hat and swaps out his Walther PPK for a Magnum in the final battle.  He’s also dressed much more colorful and stylish in this film.  All these things are a bit silly because they still don’t hide the fact this script was obviously written for Sean Connery to play the role.  For example, there’s some threatening of women that Moorelooks a little awkward doing, but I’d have no problem seeing Connery pull it off.  Connery was asked back for $5.2 million, but he refused claiming he’d “never” play Bond again.  Some bizarre choices like Clint Eastwood and Burt Reynolds were in consideration to take over the role, but essentially everyone agreed they wanted Moore (who had been discussed in preproduction for Dr. No and On Her Majesty’s Secret Service for 007, but never was spoken to about the role).  And to all the folks who aren’t fans of his Bond portrayal, for Live and Let Die it could have been disastrous had they not gone with him.

Bond’s nemesis this time around isn’t trying to destroy any part of the world this time.  He isn’t trying to become a global leader or pit countries against each other.  Dr. Kananga just wants to be THE heroin kingpin of the United Statesand make a ton of money doing so.  He has cast a voodoo scare in the area of his heroin fields and is doubling as an American drug lord in hopes of monopolizing the heroin industry.  He’s frankly rather a snoozer of a villain.  He’s a bit too calm and doesn’t feel much of a threat.  His henchmen are far more colorful and interesting.  While he’s more boisterous as Mr. Big, he just looks so weird in the face from the get go, you pretty much know his face can’t be real.  I give him credit for straying from the norm, but he’s just not very enjoyable of a presence on screen.  And it’s surprising, because Yaphet Kotto can be a pretty compelling actor elsewhere.

While Tiffany Case proved rather useless in the last film, she was nowhere near as ridiculous or obnoxious as Rosie Carver (Gloria Hendry) in this film.  I could not wait for this girl to be off’ed.  She’s a CIA double agent working for Dr. Kananga.  At every possible point in her appearance she’s given the opportunity to look extremely dumb.  This woman is a fully trained CIA agent screaming like a 5 year old and frightened to death at a dead snake.  Then, just a minute later, is screaming again at a hat in the bedroom.  She then looks stupid as she attempts to take out Bond’s partner Quarrel Jr.  She is so annoying and so pointless, her character and part of the story should have been cut entirely.  I know this is the first black girl Bond has bedded, but she’s an absolute waste of time and an embarrassment as a character.

Jane Seymour’s Solitaire is a far better character.  By the way, does this woman age?  She’s 62 and still looks great.  Anyway, Solitaire brings a bit of a supernatural touch the 007.  She is a tarot reader able to be steps ahead and call Bond’s every move before it happens.  She is vital to Kananga and how he keeps a leg up.  She gets to wear some extravagant costumes and makeup in the film making her pretty memorable.  However, Poonraker strikes again as after she sleeps with 007, she loses her power and then becomes just another Bond and a damsel in distress.  But, its Jane Seymour, I’ll allow it.

While Live and Let Dieboasts some really cool and unique action sequences throughout, the picture is a bit long.  A lot of this movie could have been tightened up.  It might have added a little more suspense as well.  All of Rosier Carver’s stuff should have been cut.  The boat chase could have been trimmed down (it’s terrific, but at times it feels like you’re just watching boats drive with nothing happening), the grounded airplane chase provides some laughs, but is unnecessary.  And for all the gritty real action sequences, the end and Kananga’s death feel a bit cartoon-ish and out of place (the only place in the film where it is clear Guy Hamilton directed it).  Somewhere in the hour and a half to hour 40 mark this film started to feel kind of long.  This could have been one of the best Bond films with a 105-minute running time.

Live and Let Die marks a fine debut for Roger Moore.  Following the dreadful Diamonds are Forever, it’s a refreshing step into something new to introduce a new era of James Bond.  It’s a bit overlong and has a couple annoyances, but is definitely worth the watch.  If you’re not familiar with the Blaxploitation genre of film, you may not find an appreciation for it or “get” what the filmmakers are going for*.  This film is probably known best for its title song now-a-days more than its actual content.  This was a favorite of mine growing up, and while my fondness may or may not be the same (not telling  yet), it’s worth a venture if you’re curious.

Brandon Peters will return in The Man with the Golden Gun

*Some Blaxploitation film recommendations:  Bucktown, Shaft, Coffy, Superfly, Foxy Brown, Cleopatra Jones

Follow me on Twitter – www.twitter.com/@btpeters

E-mail – naptownnerd@gmail.com

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Weekend Box Office (08-26-12): Obama's America not withstanding, summer ends with an epic whimper.

Oh my, another film explicitly targeting an under-served niche did exceptional business almost exclusively with that niche.  In a sane industry that would be called smart business, but the studios tend to treat it as a *shock* and write it off as a fluke.  It was no shock to anyone paying attention during the week, especially when the film was announced to be expanding on over 1,000 screens this weekend.  With the weak slate of new releases and little holdover interest, the market was primed for a solid debut for something preaching to a very devoted choir.  First as foremost, 2016: Obama's America earned about 1/4 as much this weekend as Michael Moore's Fahrenheit 9/11 did over its opening weekend on about as many screens eight years ago.  As not-president John Kerry can attest, even the most obscenely successful political documentary of all time ($23 million opening weekend, $119 million domestic total) didn't help John Kerry defeat George W. Bush in the 2004 election (even if we can dispute the results in Ohio, Bush won the popular vote by three million).  So no, the fact that a directly-targeted group of anti-Obama moviegoers gave 2016: Obama's America $6.2 million doesn't mean anything more than the piss-poor box office of last year's The Undefeated (essay) in terms of predicting an upcoming presidential election.  

But putting aside electoral consequences, this is a terrific number for a political documentary.  With $9.2 million total (it's been playing in uber-limited release since July), it's already the biggest Conservative-skewing political documentary of all time (passing the $7 million gross of Ben Stein's Expelled) and the sixth-biggest poli-doc period.  It may-well pass the $14 million gross of Michael Moore's Capitalism: A Love Story but surpassing $21 million (Bowling For Columbine) or the $24 million mark (Sicko, An Inconvenient Truth) is unlikely but still possible (it had a halfway decent 2.66x weekend multiplier) if it can sell itself as the defining bit of political propaganda somewhat as much as Moore's film did in 2004.  For now, it doesn't mean much politically but exists as another successful example of targeting theoretically 'unconventional' moviegoers.  Maybe the larger studios will stop writing this stuff off as 'flukes' and start treating it as a savvy business model for certain releases.  Also, let this be a lesson in how box office rank is an immaterial statistic.  Early rumblings that the film would be the top new release (and then certain pundits who shall not be named here displaying a somewhat misleading headline implying it was the number one film early on Friday) has led some on the left to now proclaim that it wasn't a big hit after all because it came in at eighth place.  The number is the number, and it's pretty terrific no matter where it ranks on the charts.  In the meantime, if you want to know what's actually in this film, Slate had a nice piece on it last week, to be found HERE.  And for a review so 'fair and balanced' that he's being attacked on both sides, check out Joe Leydon's Variety write-up HERE.

The three new releases all pretty much tanked this weekend, with all three feeling like studio dumps.  The tragedy of the group is Sony's Premium Rush.  The Joseph Gordon Levitt-starring bike messenger thriller was given minimal advertising and was hidden from critics until the last possible moment.  Irony of ironies, it turns out that the movie is pretty good and most of the critics gave the picture positive marks.  This is a classic example of not hiding your film from critics if it's actually pretty good.  As such, a potentially break-out $30 million thriller goes down in flames with a mere $6.3 million debut.  Not much else to say other than to hope it finds an audience on DVD.  Hit & Run, Dax Shepard's second directorial feature, opened on Wednesday and has made just $5.8 million ($4.675 million over the Fri-Sun portion).  The action comedy which co-starred Kristen Bell and Bradley Cooper was a low-profile project from a smaller distributor.  It also cost just $2 million to produce, meaning that Open Road deserves credit for releasing a mainstream vehicle that could have died in the art house (essay) as opposed to 'flopping' by earning nearly three-times its budget in the first five days.  Depending on marketing/distribution costs, this one could well be profitable.

The last new release is an example of correctly hiding your film from critics if its a turd.  Warner Bros' The Apparition was screened for critics Thursday night at 7:30pm and the few critics who attended tore the film to ribbons (it's at 0/31 on Rotten Tomatoes).  As such its $2.95 million opening weekend is a giant tax write-off.  And that's it for this weekend's tragic crop of new releases as summer grinds to a halt.The top film of the weekend was actually The Expendables 2 (review), with a $13.5 million in its second frame.  The film dropped 52%, or what the first film dropped by two summers ago.  With $53 million in ten-days (compared to $63 million two summers ago, re smaller opening weekend and smaller weekdays), it's playing closer to The A-Team, meaning it will likely end its domestic run with around $75-$80 million.  ParaNorman dropped 38% in weekend two, earning $29 million in ten days.  In other words, it's not a leggier phenom like Coraline. The Bourne Legacy (review) has $85 million, dropping 45% in weekend three.  The film will make it to $100 million, but will likely fall short of the first film's $121 million.   The Dark Knight Rises (review) has $422 million, meaning it will surpass Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest ($423 million) in a couple days to enter the top-ten domestic grossers list.  Worldwide, it's at $910 million and hoping for $1 billion.

Pixar's Brave (review) has crossed $400 million worldwide, the 11th-such Pixar film to do so, bringing its global cume to $422 million.  The Odd Life of Timothy Green now has $29 million, The Campaign (review) has $62 million.  It's starting to dip below Anchorman which had $71 million at this point, although once it gets past $66 million it surpasses The Manchurian Candidate as the highest-grossing political-campaign while becoming the biggest political satire in history. Hope Springs has $44 million, meaning it will pass $50 million but not much more than that.  Total Recall is stuck at $55 million and will be pulled from theaters as soon as it crosses $60 million, making the perfectly mediocre remake an abject lesson in being careful what you spend $125 million on.  Cosmopolis expanded to 63 screens but earned $2,434 per, effectively ending its hopes for wider expansion. In better limited release news, Mike Birbiglia's Sleepwalk With Me earned a stunning $65,000 on a single screen in New York City.  Oscilloscope's Samsara (a semi-sequel to Baraka) debuted in two theaters with $73,792.

That's it for this somewhat pathetic weekend.  The big opener next weekend will be John Hillcoat's Lawless, a depression-era thriller starring Tom Hardy, Jessica Chastain, Shia LeBeouf, Guy Pearce, Mia Wasikowska, and Gary Oldman opening on Wednesday (trailer).  Whatever the hell Oogieloves In The BIG Balloon Adventure is, it opens on Wednesday.  Lionsgate hopes The Apparition will mimic The Haunting of Connecticut, but otherwise expect another soft weekend and another after that (with one new release, The Words) until Resident Evil 5 and Finding Nemo 3D open on September 14th.

Scott Mendelson   

Brandon Peters dissects the 007 series part 07: Diamonds Are Forever

With Skyfall dropping in theaters in just a few months, along with the 50th anniversary of the James Bond series, a close friend and fellow film nerd, Brandon Peters, has generously offered to do a comprehensive review of the entire 007 film franchise. Today is the seventh entry, with at look at not only the worst Sean Connery 007 adventure, but one of the worst films in the whole series, Diamonds Are Forever. I hope you enjoy what is a pretty massive feature leading up the November 9th release of Skyfall. I'll do my best to leave my two-cents out of it, give or take a few items I have up my sleeve (including a guest review from my wife as she sings the praises of her favorite 007 film, you won't believe what it is). But just because I'm stepping aside doesn't mean you should, as I can only hope for robust discussions in the comments section. Without further ado...

Diamonds Are Forever

1971

Director: Guy Hamilton

Starring: Sean Connery, Jill St. John, Charles Gray, Bruce Glover, Putter Smith, Norman Burton

Rated PG

Go blow up your pants!

                        ~Tiffany Case

STATS

Kills: 8

Bond Girls: Tiffany Case, Plenty O’Toole

Car: 1971 Ford Mustang Mach 1 "Fastback"

Locales: Amesterdam, Las Vegas

Odd Villain Trait:  Mr. Kidd and Mr. Wint are the original Ambiguously Gay Duo.  Peter Franks fits the Red Grant mold.

Song:  “Diamonds Are Forever” performed by Shirley Bassey. 

Everyone breathe a sigh of relief.  Sean Connery is back.  The director of Goldfinger has returned.  Shirley Bassey is singing the theme song again.  We’re going to recapture that old magic that was “apparently” lost with the previous film.  Following On Her Majesty’s Secret Service,  the 007 brass felt that there was a drop off (especially in America, hence why this is set in Las Vegas) with the Bond series and were willing to do anything they could to get it back on track.  Diamonds Are Forever may have been the financial success the studio was looking for, but is a failure as a quality picture.  In short, it's the first James Bond film that outright stinks.

Ernst Stavro Blofeld (Charles Gray) has kidnapped reclusive billionaire Willard White (Jimmy Dean) and assumed his identity through over-the-phone business affairs.  Blofeld has created a satellite in space with a diamond powered laser which he uses to blow up nuclear weapons in China, the Soviet Union and the United States.  James Bond goes undercover on a lead and ends up in the company of one of a ring of diamond smugglers (Tiffany Case, played by Jill St. John).  This takes him and Tiffany Case to Vegas where Bond is able to uncover another diabolical plan by Blofeld.

Right from the get-go this film just feels wrong.  The opening teaser is Bond going SPECTRE agent to SPECTRE agent hunting for Blofeld, angry over Tracy’s death.  But 007 comes off more like some just lit a brown bag of poo and stuck it on his front porch more than being upset over the murder of his wife.  He eventually confronts Blofeld.  This just doesn’t carry any weight whatsoever.  We are watching Sean Connery upset and trying to get revenge for something we just saw happen to George Lazenby.  It doesn’t work at all.  Who does he come face-to-face with?  Telly Savalas?  NOPE, a new Blofeld actor, Charles Gray.  So we have 2 new actors to this storyline trying to bring this ultimate showdown to fruition, to conclude the conflict of the previous film.   As a viewer it’s entirely weak and doesn’t feel at all worth our time or what we want following On Her Majesty’s Secret Service.  It reminds me of the concluding chapter of The Stepfather series.  Terry O’Quinn, in a memorable and cult iconic performance, was THE stepfather in the first two films of the series.  He is the guy everyone associates with those films.  He didn’t return for the third and final film.  So they put a new actor in the role for the “ultimate finale.  It’s not earned because we want to see Terry O’Quinn finished off, not this new guy who we have no prior connection with.  It’s unearned and unsatisfying.  And this is exactly what this opening is. 

Contrary to popular belief, George Lazenby was not fired or shown the door following On Her Majesty’s Secret Service.  They wanted him to come back for Diamonds Are Forever (and five more after that), but he refused.  Lazenby had an agent that convinced him that Bond wouldn’t live much past 1970.  Congratulations George, you’re now the answer to a trivia question.  John Gavin was hired by producers to play 007 in this film, but United Artist didn’t care and wanted Sean Connery back at ANY cost.  He was given the astronomical (at the time) pay of $1.25 million and the guaranteed backing for 2 pictures of his choosing.  This shows completely.  Connery is at his worst playing 007.  He pretty much just showed up for the money.  James Bond appeared bored and completely uninterested throughout the runtime of the feature. 

The film itself is rather almost cartoony and pretty stupid for most of its two hours.  We get Bond in a chase scene through the desert in a moon buggy.  He fights two ugly acrobatic women named Bambi and Thumper.  Plenty O’Toole is a bumbling bimbo.  Blofeld is having henchman have plastic surgery and voice box implants to double as him.  Jimmy Dean takes you completely out of the movie every scene he’s in.  There’s so much groan-worthy voice disguising by crappy dubbing.  The fx budget was severly trimmed due to Connery’s salary, and it shows. 

The hired assassins/main henchman, Mr. Kidd and Mr. Wint, seem to have walked on to Diamonds Are Forever from some other film.  They come off like two Scooby Doo characters come to life.  They make more yucky quips than Connery did in his first six 007 movies combined.  There are actually a couple good, dark humored lines hidden amongst all the garbage they spew out.  And while they have no problem murdering some of these diamond smugglers, when it comes to Bond they just leave him in a pipe in the desert.  When they show up at the end it’s just the icing on top of this shit cake of a movie with their undoing.  Was it an attempt at humor that the obviously gay couple goes out with one of them catching flames and the other having a bomb pretty much shoved in his butt or just coincidence?

The acting in Diamonds Are Forever is atrocious.  Sean Connery stinks.  Blofeld comes off too campy.  There is a dentist who gets bit by a scorpion and has an outrageous reaction.  I’ve discussed Mr. Kidd and Mr. Wint and frankly most of the one liner supporting cast is dreadful.  The Bond girls are lousy (perhaps a European commentary on American women?).  Tiffany Case is the first American Bond Girl and she’s pretty useless.  Jill St. John isn’t what you would call a fanastic performer, and her character doesn’t do a whole lot.  She just dresses in suggestive clothing and holds Bond’s hand if he’s near.

Felix Leiter returns for the first time since Thunderball.  Funny enough, now that Guy Hamilton is back directing, Leiter has reverted back to an older, more Goldfinger-esque character.  He’s helpful and useful this time around, on the same level of service as he was in Goldfinger.  I’m just surprised how much the producers have allowed for Felix to fluctuate like this throughout the series.  It’s almost as if he’s been two or four completely different characters who just happen to have the same name and just happen to work for the CIA.

My above-noted issues with Diamonds Are Forevernotwithstanding, there is one scene in the film that warrants you to pop in this film and skip to it.  I’m talking about the car chase through the Vegas strip.  Bond and Tiffany Case are being hunted by the cops and some slick maneuvers are made, some ramping and a two-wheeled escape through a dead end.  Don’t watch the whole movie, just skip to this.  There’s a brief fist fight in an elevator between Bond and Peter Franks that’s mildly entertaining too, just to note.

Diamonds Are Forever broke the record for the 3-day opening weekend when it was released.  It was enormously successful on a global scale, earning $116 million worldwide.  The producers wanted a lighter tone than the comparatively dark and somber On Her Majesty’s Secret Service.  And since the money was there, I’m sure they felt they succeeded.  In reality, what they got was an over the top, cheap-looking, too campy (not of the fun kind), shallow film that didn’t play well to critics then and doesn’t hold up now.  I don’t think this will end up being the worst Bond film but it’s easily the worst so far and the first qualifying as a truly bad film with nothing redeeming about it.  I spent most of this film rolling my eyes and just unhappy with what was transpiring on screen.  If Sean Connery is conveying to me that he doesn’t want to be there, then what’s my interest? 

Diamonds Are Forever did make me a bit more enthusiastic to switching James Bonds and going through what the comparably unpopular run of Roger Moore films.  Thanks to this film, I’m going in open-minded and optimistic.

Brandon Peters will return in LIVE AND LET DIE

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